All Pets Poop, Pee AND Slobber!

It's true!!!!

Believe it!  It happens in the nicest of homes...even MINE!!!!

Here's living proof!  Nosey slobbering on the bed sheets on my husband's side of the bed.  I made it fresh the day before.  Hey, it'll dry.  But I have my standards...slobber can stay but poop, pee and puke and muddy paw prints warrant stripping the bed.  Now you know.  Call the Board of Health if you don't like it!  ;)

Yup, it's true. As surely as all dogs go to heaven, they poop, pee, puke, slobber, shed and apply "shnozzy" nose-print smudges to sparkling-clean windows, mirrors and eyeglass lenses.

Even though this is factual statement, I have had dogs all of my life and can't imagine living one day without one. (And, I'm not certifiably crazy yet!) All I can say is thank goodness for paper towels, carpet cleaning machines, stain sticks, Dustbusters, lint brushes and Windex.

You can't have a dog or any other type of pet without a sense of humor, because even the most perfectly housebroken ones make mistakes once in awhile. Big ones. Once, years ago I threw a fancy cocktail party that took days to plan and hours to clean and prepare for. (Think Martha Stewart obsessive-compulsive here, people.) The night of the big soiree, my Cocker Spaniel, Amanda, walked into the party, sauntered over to one of our friends (the one who just happened to be a Veterinarian of course), gazed soulfully into his eyes, squatted and peed at least a gallon (well, it seemed that much to me at the time) onto the wall-to-wall carpeting. Nice. As you can imagine, "Mommy" nearly dropped the silver tray of cocktail wienies she was holding. I must have looked so elegant on my hands and knees mopping up that mess in my little black dress and pearls; like some demented June Cleaver, but I digress...

Oh, and another time I was selling a house and had everything prepped for the Realtor to show the potential buyers (including baking cookies so the place would smell all homey) and my Border Collie, Zero, threw up all over the master bedroom carpeting just as the doorbell rang. (Yup, that added just the right "homey" touch.) Then, there was the other Cocker Spaniel (Goldie) who exploded a "Bowel Bomb" inside my new car just because I dared to leave her (with the windows cracked on a cool fall afternoon) in the car for five minutes to dash into the post office. That was one long, stinky ride home with all the windows down. Talk about a "special delivery"...

Bottom line? Thank goodness for their adorably fuzzy little faces and loyal dispositions, because sometimes when I'm standing at the sink, running yet another bucket full of hot-sudsy water and snapping on my rubber gloves, I wonder why we even give them houseroom. But that thought never lasts.

What can I say except that I'm a sucker for a waggily tail...

Home Baked Doggie Treats!

Just out of the oven...

I made my "neighborhood-famous" peanut butter dog cookies today and Nosey couldn't be happier.  They're quick, easy and fun!  

Here's the recipe:

Marsie's Menagerie Peanut Butter Doggie Biscuits

The official taste tester!  

(Makes about 2 dozen depending on the size of your cookie cutters)

Ingredients

• 3 cups whole wheat flour
• 2 Tbsp. olive oil
• 1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter
• 2 large eggs
• 1 cup water
• Cooking spray

Method

• Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
• Spray cookie sheet with non-stick cooking spray.
• Combine ingredients in a large mixing bowl. (I do it with my hands and wear non-latex medical gloves.)
• Mix until ingredients form a ball.
• Roll out on a floured surface (about 1/4 inch thickness).
• Cut out shapes with cookie cutters.
• Place cookies on cookie sheet and place in oven.



Looks like Nosey got caught with her head in the cookie jar!!!!

• Bake for 25 minutes and cool on rack.

Animal Crackers in My Soup...and Psyche

Lions and tigers and bears...  Oh, my!!!

As much as I love them, I can’t look at a package of animal crackers without flinching. Why? Well, sit back because I’m going to tell you.

It all started on the first day of kindergarten. We were given construction paper nametags with an animal cracker glued on for decoration. The teacher had us sit cross-legged on the floor while she gave a little welcome speech that I must not have been listening to very closely because I was busy eating the animal cracker off of my nametag. Well, more like gnawing, since I didn’t even bother to take it off. But, what I did hear quite plainly was, “Make sure to wear your nametags to school tomorrow.”

I looked down at mine in horror. There was nothing but a big, wet slobber mark where the animal cracker used to be.

Well, now I’d done it! Obviously I couldn’t go back to school because I’d eaten the animal cracker off of my nametag. Only five years old and my life was ruined. It was just the first day and already I’d flunked out. Better I had died in my cradle than to put my family through such shame. (My drama queen tendencies started very early.)

Mother was ever-practical. “We’ll just buy a box of animal crackers and glue one on to replace the one you ate,” she reasoned. More panic. I couldn’t remember exactly what kind of animal had been on that darned nametag. Nothing she or my father said could convince me that I wouldn’t get graded on that sort of thing.

While the replacement animal cookie dried on my nametag, I spent a restless night in my canopy bed tossing, turning and going over different scenarios in my mind. I just knew that Mrs. Pogue was going to greet me at the door asking: “Marsie Hall, is that a buffalo on your nametag? Where is the elephant that was assigned to you? What have you done with it? Speak up! What’s that you say? YOU ATE IT? Do you realize what you have done? You are a disgrace to the morning kindergarten. Pack up your crayons and get out. Never darken the door of Robert D. Johnson grade school ever again!”

Mother drove me to school the next day. I wanted her to wait and keep the car running so I could make a quick escape, but the teacher never noticed.

Imagine that!

SHOWTIME!

Here's Nosey checking out her Mommy's favorite Christmas present, a red ukulele. 


Here's the plan, I'm going to learn how to play it and Nosey is going to learn to dance on her hind paws.  We'll work up an act, find a street corner and ta-da...  People will throw coins into the open ukelele case and we'll be rich!  I might even get us matching outfits.  


A psychic once told me that in a past life I was an organ grinder's monkey.  Perhaps the universe is truly unfolding according to plan.  


Well, time's a wastin'.  Gotta go rehearse...  Now, where is Nosey?  She was here just a minute ago.

Urinetown... Or, The Adventures of Potty-Training a Basset Hound!

The Tools of the Trade!

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas M. Newbold joyfully announce that their Basset Hound puppy, Nosey Anne, is "officially" house-broken at the age of 8 1/2 months.

It has been quite a long haul, with many false starts... But, she has gone several weeks without any accidents and has been granted full run-of-the-house privileges.

Now, I'm no Martha Stewart, but these months have kept me on my toes. I now own an industrial-style carpet cleaner, a tiny hand-held one and have tried just about every urine remover/neutralizer known to man. I am partial to Urine Gone that you can buy at Target, but most everyone I've tried works about the same.

Today the Stanley Steemer guys are coming to deep clean the rugs and carpets, but I am proud to say that I have kept up my part of the deal. We spent more money on paper towels and rubber gloves lately than on groceries!

I came up with one thing on my own that has gotten the smell out of rugs and upolstery. The label on most of these cleaners says to saturate the area and leave it to soak in. I didn't feel I was getting it in deep enough that way, so went to the vet and asked for a syringe with the longest needle possible. I used that to get the solution deep into the padding of the carpets.

Guess what? It works... Though I feel a bit like a drug fiend when I'm doing it! ;)

"Marsie's Menagerie's" Upcoming Events!

Wow! It is hard to believe, but after a year and a half of writing the column and hosting the website, I have enough upcoming personal appearances to list them. It looks as though I'll be judging, emceeing and acting as Grand Marshall for pet parades. (One event has asked me to be Queen and promised a special tiara. Can't wait to see it!!!! It'll probably have tiny doggie biscuits on it.) So (drum roll) here they are:

Sunday, July 17, 2011
2 p.m. - 4 p.m.
Furry Fort Thomas Dog Show

Saturday, July 23, 2011
10 a.m. - 4 p.m.
Beast Bash

Friday, August 5, 2011
Dog & Cats Days of Summer
Bellevue, KY
(Details to be determined.)

Saturday, August 13, 2011
1 p.m. - 2 p.m.
Pet Parade
Northern Kentucky Youth Foundation

Monday, September 5, 2011
(Time to be announced.)
Just for Fun Dog Show
Alexandria Fair

Nosey will be at all of the events with her "Kissing Booth" and fishbowl and will sell kisses for $1 each to benefit all of the non-profits sponsoring these events.

Come play with us this summer!!!!

Spring Pet Care Tips!

"Hey, whatcha' doin' in there?" Nosey asked, scratching on the closed bathroom door. "Cleaning," I replied. "Can I come in?" she asked, scratching harder and whining. "It is 'may I come in,' and no, you can't." "Why?" she howled. "Because I'm using harsh chemicals and you're not allowed to be around them." "Why?" she whimpered. "Because you are a puppy and you get into everything and I'm keeping you safe." Spring is here and it is time for cleaning the house, getting the garden planted and celebrating Easter and Passover. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind pet owners to be mindful of their animal companion's safety this season. While you are spring cleaning keep cleaning supplies out of the reach of your pets. Store them in secure cabinets, far away from your pets food and treats. While you are cleaning, put your pets in a separate room so that they can't inadvertently drink out of a bucket of soapy water or get squirted with window cleaner. This goes for dogs and cats as well as caged birds and pocket pets such as hamsters and gerbils. Caustic fumes can cause these tiny creatures harm. When you are getting ready to clean, take up your pet's food and water bowls. If you can't move fish tanks, take special precautions not to use aerosols in the same room. A great trick is to put plastic wrap over top of the aquarium for the short time it takes for you to clean in that room. Don't leave it there for long, but it will keep the water from becoming contaminated. When you are washing windows or installing screens for the season, be especially careful to contain your pets. Dogs, cats and ferrets are curious and can escape in the few moments that a window is open and your back is turned. A fall can cause serious injury. If you have birds, make sure that they are securely in their cages. I can't tell you how many times I have heard of pet birds taking the opportunity to fly out the window never to be seen again. Pet birds are very vulnerable outdoors to predators. They also don't have the skills to fend for themselves and many who are lost starve or die of thirst. This is the time of year when pets like to be outdoors, so make certain that dogs and cats have good fitting collars with your up-to-date contact information on the tags. You might also invest in getting them micro-chipped. It is the start of flea, tick and mosquito season, so check with your veterinarian to start up a preventative regimens. Gardening is fraught with hazards for pets. Try to be as organic in your gardening activities as possible, avoiding the use of pesticides and herbicides. There are many alternatives to harsh poisons, so check with your lawn and garden center for pet-friendly products. Many bulbs are poisonous, so keep them out of paw's reach or avoid them altogether when planning your garden. Some examples of toxic bulbs are daffodils, Easter lilies, morning glories and rhododendrons. Eye injuries can be caused by thorny plants such as roses. The popular cocoa mulch should be avoided as it can be ingested and is harmful to pets. You'll also want to be careful when planting spinach, rhubarb, onions and garlic. These can cause severe gastrointestinal problems and even death if eaten by pets. During Easter and Passover celebrations, keep pets away from chocolate and especially the artificial grass used in Easter baskets. Spring is a wonderful time of year. Make it safe for your whole family by doing just a little planning ahead. For more pet care tips, visit www.marsiesmenagerie.com. If you have any ideas for future stories please contact Marsie Hall Newbold at marsolete@insightbb.com.